February 2012
20 posts
““Whatever is going on between you and my daughter is none of my...”
– Best protective father conversation ever. From a short story.
“That cloud looked like a shrimp. No, a camel.”
– Middle school girl.
“Hey look at the cute puppy! Oh wait. It’s a woman.”
– Middle school girl
Girl 1: Can you help me?
Girl 2: No, I have something more important to do. (walks in to a bathroom stall.)
“God, bless your maid servant, consider how few our days are and bless this vine,...”
– A prayer from a friend. My favorite part is the typo.
“People that live on planets aren’t real.”
– 4 yr old boy
Me: Marcus is a unicorn.
Marcus: Yes. Yes I am.
January 2012
34 posts
“I remember when my dad took me to an indoor goat-carting building for my 12th...”
– High School Boy.
“Bears can’t get in the van when there’s people in it.”
– Kindergarten girl.
“Moons don’t talk in real cities.”
– Kindergarten girl.
Me: I was born in 1985.
Girl: no wonder you're so old!
2 tags
“Can you feel my heart? I hope I don’t bleed. *Gestures blood flowing from...”
– 6th grade girl after running a lot.
1 tag
Dumb Tourist Interactions #6
Tourist: You speak English really well. How long have you been speaking it?
18 year old college student: Uh... about 17 years.
1 tag
Boy: It's raining like a grain.
Me: Like a what?
Boy: ...Um, never mind.
1 tag
“Where can I get Alaskan money?”
– Or any variation such as, Alaskan postage, change.
Dumb Tourist Interaction #5
1 tag
Boy: How old are you? 39?
Me: No.
Boy: 36?
Me: No.
Boy: 26?
Me: Yes.
Boy: I knew it had a six in it!
2 tags
“Can you see Russia from your house?”
– Dumb Tourist Interaction #4
1 tag
“Even though I rock through the valley of the shadow of death…”
– Kindergarten boy quoting Psalm 23:4.
Girl: My sucker tastes like grape.
Me: Mine tastes like orange.
Boy: Mine tastes like red.
1 tag
Dumb Tourist Interactions #3
While on a kayaking expedition in the ocean-
Tourist: How high above sea level are we?
Guide: Well your bottom is about 3 inches bellow and your head is about 2 feet above.
“I’m trying to stick it in your snout. Snout means nose.”
– Kindergarten girl
1 tag
Me: I bought this sweater yesterday.
Boy: It's yeshdeday not yesterday.
1 tag
Dumb Tourist Interactions #2
Tourist: How much does Deer Mountain weigh?
Tour Guide: With or without snow?
First grader: I found a soda!
Me: Just leave it there.
First grader: Oops.
Me: Did you just drop it?
First grader: Yes. It was an accident. I'll clean it up with my foot.
1 tag
Dumb Tourist Interactions #1
Tourist: How long have you been an Eskimo?
Caucasian HS girl: About 3 years.
Me: *Looking at a picture* Is that caviar?
African American HS girl: NO!
Me: I didn't know; it was black and lumpy.
HS girl #2: *to the first* Are you caviar?